MARTIAN'S MINUTE: May 28, 2019

I know I said that these were going to be daily, and they are, but like anything else in life, there are some exceptions. I'm not going to do weekends and holidays unless there's some super important stuff going down; it's tiring trying to stay this caught up. I honestly don't know how I'm going to do a new intro everyday but I'll take this one to thank everyone who's read and given feedback on the Minute. Any and all support is genuinely appreciated; someone saying they read the blogs or listen to the pod makes it that much more rewarding. Alright, now that I got that sentimental stuff out of the way, it's time to get filled in.


The Raptors (and Drake) made the Finals!

Honestly, I didn't see this coming; I should've. The Raptors have been lethal this entire season (58-24, second-best record in the league) and deserve to be competing in the Finals; they couldn't be in a better (?) situation to prove to everyone on the big stage that they're the top team in the league. Once the Bucks went up 2-0 in the ECF, it really seemed like the series was over and if Milwaukee could've squeezed out a 2OT win in Game 3, I think it would've been. Milwaukee choked and the Raptors jumped on the opportunity so here we are. This is a really good breakdown of both the Warriors' and Raptors' team playoff stats heading into the Finals. Analytics aren't everything and looking at them too in-depth can sometimes hinder logic when it comes to watching, but it's still beneficial to stay up-to-date on advanced stats and such. I'm a sucker for that shit.

Kawhi leads all players in the playoffs in minutes played, points, steals, and free throws. It's safe to say that he's been the undisputed MVP of the playoffs so far and if he wins his second career Finals MVP, he has to be considered a top-two or three player in the league. KD is for sure out for Game 1 and could miss more; this is the Raptors time to strike meteorically (dinosaur jokes lmao). The Warriors' Big Three of Steph, Klay, and Draymond has been lethal ever since KD went down with the calf injury and they seem pretty much unstoppable right now. IF Golden State wins the series, which I think they're going to in six games, I won't be as exasperated as in years past when they've reached the Promised Land. When Boogie wins a ring, we all win one.

Besides the battle between two of the top teams in the league, one of them quite possibly being the greatest team ever, I can't wait to watch Drake on the sidelines. We've never seen Finals Drake, who knows where those antics could go! I can't wait for people to keep getting pissed at him, it makes it that much better. He literally has Steph and KD tattoos so there seems to be a bit of conflict of interest, but maybe he'll drop his allegiance, cover one of them up with a Kawhi tat, and trip Steph as he runs past Drake court-side. We all know Steph's got those weak ankles; would Drake play that dirty? We'll have to wait for Thursday night.

Sidenote: Can't forget this heading into the series. Let's all remember what happened the last time Kawhi met the Warriors in the playoffs:


There might be aliens cruising UFOs right in front of the Navy

this was previously classified by the government. it's the only picture of a real alien known to man. s/o paul

I'd like to give a preliminary thank you to "Rob Weede, the Big Scary Tax Man" for bringing my attention to this. If any of you encounter any extraterrestrial news, send it my way. I'm trying to reconnect with my true descendants, the martians, in any way possible.

(Here's the link to the original New York Times article.) UFOs are nothing new, obviously. There seems to be an obsession, at least in America, with the possibility of life beyond Earth. I mean, yeah, of course there is. Why would we be the only life out there? That makes absolutely zero sense. Space makes me nervous so I can't think about it for too long, but it's so vast and empty that there has to be other life floating around out there. I'm already having a panic attack, if I was off some mids right now I'd be a mess. When that picture of the black hole released a few weeks ago I came to the realization that nothing matters. That thing is like 18 billion times bigger than the sun. The fucking sun! It would swallow us up with absolutely zero regard and feel no guilt.

I'm not saying that there have been UFOs flying right passed Navy ships daring them to discover alien life, but I won't say there hasn't been. The videos of whatever those "aircrafts" are absolutely defying science and flying around the ocean are nuts. No way even a military plane could do that. I actually don't know that, I'm just going based off of the article. It'll be interesting to see if anyone in the government responds to this because these pilots seem pretty convinced they weren't encountering military experiments and drones. I like to picture E.T. and Yoda passing a Dutch rolled with OG Master Yoda, because Yoda is a narcissistic asshole, absolutely flying through the universe listening to lit alien music. Or Carti. I feel like he transcends time and space.


"Highest in the Room" - Travis Scott

I guess this dropped like a month ago but I had no clue. It was brought to my attention by Ralph (shoutout March Madness Firm) the other day and I keep going back to it. It seems like it's been pretty low-key (only 33,000 views on Genius), but it makes sense since it's a 10-minute long song with literally one repeated verse. Usually that'd be the recipe for a monochromatic disaster but Travis once again pulls it off. I love when artists can pull off a super long song, I'm talking like six, seven minutes plus. That takes talent. This probably won't be everybody's cup of tea due to its repetitive nature, but if you're a Travis fan and haven't heard it yet, try it out.

Burbs Employees

It's time to fire Dylan Fadden

I've held my tongue long enough. "Mediocre Couch Pigskin" co-host Dylan Fadden has been wrecking havoc on this company from the day he agreed to join. I can't get to into details because he's somehow the head of the HR Department, but I won't be quiet any longer. He is a tyrant; an autocrat; an authoritarian oppressor. A coup d'état has long been in order and hopefully it can go down sooner than later.