MARTIAN'S MINUTE: May 23, 2019



Hey, it's Martian back for another go-around. Who would have thought I'd actually commit to a new idea for more than a day. Summer really does turn a new leaf in the jungle that is life. I really don't think that made any sense. Hopefully you were so captivated after reading yesterday's Minute that you just had to come back for more. It's actually proven that reading these makes you significantly smarter about things that ultimately will never matter in your professional, and probably personal, lives. But hey, at least you'll absolutely kill it in Catchphrase.


Film

Christopher Nolan's latest project finally gets a title



It's called Tenet and it's an epic espionage thriller set for release on July 17, 2020. The cast is loaded with the likes of John David Washington, Elizabeth Debicki, Robert Pattinson, Michael Caine, Kenneth Branagh, amongst others. (Look here for the full cast list.) Nolan went out and got heavy-hitters because clearly the man doesn't have time to dilly dally. Did I just say dilly dally? He's never made a bad movie and his filmography is beyond impressive for somebody who isn't even 50 yet. Most directors will likely never pull off as many feats as he has throughout his career and it's awesome that we still have a lot of Nolan projects to look forward to in the future.


There aren't many details out about the film, but based on what's been released, it's going to be phenomenal. Filming is going to span across seven countries and will be shot with Nolan-standard IMAX cameras; it's going to look nuts. It's been two years since Dunkirk came out, so it's safe to say everybody needs a little more Christopher Nolan in their lives.


Hoops


All-Defensive teams revealed



Looks good to me. There's really nobody off the top of my head that I'd consider snubbed. I saw a few tweets mentioning Patrick Beverly and while he's one of the best defensive guards in the league, I don't think he had a better defensive season than Jrue Holiday, Klay (I'd like to imagine we're on a first name basis without ever having met), Marcus Smart, or Eric Bledsoe.


It's pretty wild that Giannis is really about to fuck around and win MVP and Defensive Player of the Year. When's the last time that happened? I think it was Jordan in the late-eighties. Google wasn't that helpful when I looked it up. All I know is that Joakim Noah should've been the last player to take home both awards in 2014.


NOTE: Myles Turner just tweeted about being left out. He played 74 games and led the league in blocks per game (2.7!), so he probably (definitely?) deserved a spot. I kinda forgot about the Pacers, it's been a while since they got bounced from the first-round and the most exciting thing to happen to them the last few weeks was Tyreke Evans getting kicked out of the NBA for hard drug use. Fun fact, I saw Myles Turner by the porta potties at Lolla last summer.


Let's all take the time to reminisce about the good ol' Bulls days, years before I was perpetually shitting my pants thinking about Terry Rozier* signing in Chicago for way too much money:



*- Did you know Terry Rozier has never shot 40% from the field during the regular season?


The Clippers are apparently contenders for KD



I take most, if not all, free agency rumors with a massive grain of salt. Nobody besides the players, their agents, and their families/friends truly know about where they're going to end up. KD's impending free agency has been the talk of the league since before the season tipped off, and with less than a month and a half until free agency, speculation is only going to ramp up.


The New York Knicks have largely been considered the favorite to land KD, which still makes almost no sense to me, but now it's being reported by Mark Stein that the Clippers are a "equally dangerous threat" to sign Durant. This makes a lot more sense. Why would KD go from Golden State, the best run organization in the NBA and maybe American sports, to the Knicks, an absolute laughingstock of a franchise with a clown owner in James Dolan. The New York media would undoubtedly lambast KD at times and he clearly doesn't like the press and the scrutiny that came along with leaving OKC for the Warriors; the lower-key Clippers makes perfect sense. It seems pretty obvious that Durant plans to move on from GS following this season, and with the Clippers able to offer him and another max player, it seems like a perfect fit. They're going to be running back almost the same team that gave the Warriors a bit of trouble in the first round and if they can somehow team up KD with Kawhi alongside Lou Williams, Landry Shamet, Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, and Montrezl Harrell, they're an instant contender.


Chris Broussard and Kevin Durant can't seem to agree on what classifies as a text


nothing like an old school chris broussard sauces meme

Kevin Durant seemingly loves clapping back at people on Twitter, whether it be from his main account (IM ME, I DO ME, AND I CHILL.) or a burner (we all have them). I think it's hilarious when KD responds to shit talkers because he's just doing what every other player wants to do, he can just get away with it because he's KD. This is a guy who tweeted that he wanted to drink Scarlett Johansson's bath water, he's not afraid of a little Twitter smoke. To come to KD's defense on that tweet, he was just saying what we were all thinking.


With KD's trigger fingers sidelined with a calf injury, he had to defer to his Twitter fingers when this occurred earlier this afternoon:

The best part about this is that I can hear KD when I read this. He definitely had to pause his MyCareer game and he's already pissed off about the unnecessary amount of micro-transactions required to remotely sniff success in the game, but now Chris Broussard of all people is acting like they're friends? The media have been circling around KD's free agency like a group of eighth graders in a bathroom fiening for a hit of Craig's Juul, even though it's a god awful refill pod. It probably gets old fast and it's tough to blame for KD for snapping back. It all boiled down to Broussard not knowing what a text is (he classified IG and Twitter DMs as texts) and apparently has the receipts but doesn't want to release them out of respect for Durant. Broussard posted a goofy ass video on his Twitter explaining his side and that was kind of the end. This was a beef I never could have predicted, but it helped spice up a rather slow news day.

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