MARTIAN'S MINUTE: May 22, 2019

this was handmade by the martian himself (obviously i own none of these images)

Hey. It's Martian and welcome to Martian's Minute. There's a lot that goes down in sports, pop culture, and the world in general on a daily basis and since I have an absurd amount of free time, I tend to stay pretty filled in. Because prescription methamphetamine wasn't snuck in my lunchtime pudding from the time I was five on like the rest of the (lucky) youth in this country, it's tough for me to stay on one topic. That brings us to the Minute. I'm going to bring my (mostly) unfiltered thoughts on the previous day's topics every morning in an effort to keep my definitely undiagnosed ADHD at bay and further educate my "readers" on what's happening. Fucking kill me if I ever say readers again, it was the only word I could think of that fit there. With that being said, here's Martian's Minute.


New ONCE UPON A TIME IN HOLLYWOOD red band trailer

This is going to be awesome. The cast is filled with Tarantino staples (Brad Pitt, Kurt Russell, Tim Roth) and new additions (Leonardo DiCaprio, Margot Robbie, Dakota Fanning, you'll see in the trailer), so we're getting great performances all around. Quentin Tarantino is obviously a fucking basket case, but I say that in the best way possible, and I trust he delivered like he has with each and every one of his other projects. I'm super curious to see how Charles Manson is incorporated into the film; the trailers don't nod to a super big role, but there's always more than meets the eye (shoutout Transformers) with Tarantino films. There's no way Manson isn't about to be one of the freakiest portrayals we've seen in the Tarantino canon, I mean have you ever seen a Charles Manson interview*? Dude was a straight up psychopath.

I loved Us and it's currently my favorite movie of the year, but I can definitely see Once Upon A Time In... claiming the top spot. Leo, Brad Pitt, Margot Robbie, and Quentin Tarantino is like the Warriors starting lineup (minus Boogie, shoutout Boogie); July 26 needs to get here sooner.

Apparently it got a six minute standing ovation at Cannes, so it's safe to say that this is going to probably be the best movie of 2019.

*-Very nihilistic answer. Follow @thefroandtheflow on Instagram for more nihilism memes!


The Toronto Raptors decimate the Milwaukee Bucks 120-102

This was a tough game to watch. With the Rockets having been tragically eliminated last round by the Warriors, I had to choose another team to root for in their quest for the Larry O'Brien Trophy. My past Bucks fandom has been detailed in the past, so it only felt right to #FearTheDear once again and re-join the Milwaukee bandwagon. Awesome city, one of my favorites. Red Rocket Saloon has gas wings and a mechanical bull, what more could you ask for? The first two games in the series were a breeze for the Bucks as they took a quick 2-0 lead and looked like the dominant team we've seen all season. Toronto loves their basketball, however, and their fans really came out and rocked the Scotiabank Arena; probably helps that they have Drake on the sidelines jawing at Giannis. Is Drake currently the most famous basketball fan in the world? Has to be, right? International tings! Giannis improved his offense from his weak Game 3 performance by adding 25 points and 10 boards alongside Kris Middleton's 30-piece. None of the other Bucks showed up tonight and it ended up being their fate in the end as Toronto was propelled by a number of stellar performances from starters and role players alike.

It's easier for both of us if I just post a picture of the Raptors' stats. As you can see, everybody played a crucial role tonight and demonstrated that the Raps are still (somewhat?) serious Finals contenders. If they play like this every night, they could definitely compete with the Warriors, even though the Bucks have a better shot against Golden State. But that's just my opinion.

Let's not forget the time Drake did a little broadcasting for the Raptors:

The Magic Johnson-Lakers fiasco gets even weirder

Calling the Lakers a mess would be a severe understatement. There seems to be massive misdirection occurring under controlling owner Jeanie Buss and GM Rob Pelinka, and with the high amount of publicity former president of basketball ops Magic Johnson is getting regarding his comments about his time with the Lakers, this team is in a horrible spot as free agency approaches. Players, for the most part, seem to be active on social media and are around the league on a daily basis, they know the drama going down better than any of our best guesses. If I was a big name free agent looking to possibly go play in California, I'm getting a meeting with the Clippers. Shit, I might go to the Kings over the Lakers. The amount of attention they get for not being a particularly good team is astounding and for a lot of players, that's probably not particularly attractive. I root for the Lakers; I really want to see LeBron win a ring in purple and gold. Do I think it's going to happen? It's looking less likely by the day. Do I ever think LeBron regrets his decision? Not for a second.

The Magic Johnson drama is built around "He said, she said" claims and it's tough to fully believe any storyline that pops up on a daily basis. Magic calling Pelinka a "backstabber" is a tough look for a team that has to use their GM in every recruiting meeting with big-name free agents. This is going to be an interesting summer.

I will say this: the best part about Magic's resignation is his return to Twitter. Tonight's gem was a blessing:

magic was soaring off a couple gummy bear edibles, for sure


I binge-watched Game of Thrones just to be letdown

I was on season 3, episode 10 of Game of Thrones the Tuesday before last. I had taken an extended break but felt as if I should catch up in time for the series finale; I'd be missing out on the end of a cultural phenomena if I didn't. I took my sweet ass time because it really came down to crunch-time this weekend. From Friday to Sunday, I had to squeeze in 21 episodes. I'd say I hate to complain, but I don't; what a draining experience. So much television in such a short time frame. Going back to my undiagnosed ADHD, do you know how hard it was for me to stay focused? I kept fidgeting on the couch and changing positions and caught myself scrolling Twitter for too long, but at least I did it. I can say that I watched Thrones, but was it worth it?


I didn't think season 8 was that great. The first two episodes were awesome, but I couldn't see a god damn thing during the Battle of Winterfell and the quality of the episodes tanked from there. Much like the rest of the Internet, I wasn't a fan of the finale. Immediately after it aired I didn't hate it but after some reflection and post-nut clarity the next morning, I came to the realization that it wasn't fulfilling. There's nothing I can do about it, it's 12:50 AM. I'm writing this now so I don't have to do it when I wake up. I've got some mids and a Coke Zero in me, I'm hanging on for dear life here; give me a break.

Quick shoutout to my favorite Thrones character, Wun Wun. They offed him in a dirty way but we have to remember him for being the dope giant that he was. I have an idea for a giants spinoff where they just ride around on wooly mammoths smoking massive Backwoods while listening to "Kush & OJ". If any HBO execs are reading this, bang my line, we'll work something out.


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