MARTIAN'S MINUTE: July 12, 2019

How did they decide time zones? Every time I go somewhere with a time change it throws me off. I mean, time is merely a social construct and doesn't hold any true value, but why can't the country just share the same time? How can it be 8:55 AM here in California but 10:55 in Illinois? Seems to me like the patriarchy had something to accomplish when they invented "time".

Also, back-to-back days with a Minute posted. While on vacation. You're welcome for me being so dedicated to ~mastering my craft~.


Russell Westbrook traded to the Rockets

thanks for the picture ESPN!

After Paul George was traded from OKC to the Los Angeles Clippers following the Kawhi Leonard signing, it was inevitable that Russell Westbrook would be dealt. The Thunder were facing a crippling luxury tax bill and with three consecutive first-round exits, a rebuild was on the horizon. They acquired Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, Danilo Gallinari, and five first-round draft picks in exchange for PG and sent forward Jerami Grant to the Denver Nuggets in exchange for a 2020 first-rounder. According to various reports, it seems as if just about everybody else on the roster is available, including center Steven Adams and newly-acquired point god Chris Paul. Oh yeah, the Thunder have CP3 now.

Woj dropped a hell of a bomb on us last night. The Rockets agreed to send Chris Paul to OKC for Russell Westbrook, first-rounders in 2024 and 2026, and the ability to swap picks in 2021 and 2025. Houston essentially got Westbrook and a ton of middle schoolers. It seemed likely that the Miami Heat were going to be the landing spot for Westbrook but Rockets GM Daryl Morey swooped in and took matters into his own hands. I'm of the mindset that if Chris Paul didn't get hurt in the Western Conference Finals in 2018, Houston would've beaten the Warriors and gone on to win the Finals. Obviously that didn't happen and after a second-round defeat to the Warriors this year, it made sense for Houston to make a move. I've never made it a secret that I'm not a Westbrook fan and don't believe he plays winning basketball, but I actually like this move for the Rockets. Westbrook and Harden are former teammates whose only Finals appearances came when they were on the Thunder together. They lost, but both have gone on to become megastars and win MVPs, so why not try for a ring? Harden and Westbrook's relationship goes way back, so they should definitely mesh together better than Harden and CP3 did. There's been a plethora of memes saying the Rockets are going to need two balls but I have an inkling that Westbrook is going to jack up a lot less shots and find Harden for beautiful step-back threes; maybe he can average something like 13 assists per game. These guys are close friends; they can be real with each other. The West is going to be ultra-competitive this year and it appears that there are around eight teams that could come out on top, with the Rockets being one of them. They're largely running back the same team with CP3 swapped out for Westbrook and literally as I'm typing this sentence I got a notification that Houston's top priority is to acquire Andre Iguodala. Houston could always use a little extra depth and Iggy's championship experience and veteran leadership would go a long way on this team. Harden's scoring average should likely see a dip from last year's absurd 36.1 PPG but who knows, maybe Westbrook will try and get him up to 40 while being the first player to average 20 assists per game. This is an interesting combo that made this wild offseason just a little more crazy.


New "Old Town Road" remix featuring Mason Ramsey and Young Thug

Lil Nas X has been on top of the world ever since he released "Old Town Road" and it doesn't seem like his, or the song's, success is going to slow down anytime soon. "Old Town Road" is currently spending its fourteenth consecutive week atop the Billboard Hot 100, only three weeks away from being the longest tenured song on the list. When it first dropped I thought it'd just be the next "Mo Bamba", but it has proven to be a lot more. This song is everywhere and Lil Nas X has become a superstar in his own right. He was able to capitalize on meme culture and the ability of social media sites to propel things to viral status and created what appears to be one of the biggest hits of all-time. I just listened to the new version for the first time and all I can say is, "Wow." Mason Ramsey, aka Walmart Yodel Kid, flexed his Razor scooter in the same song that Thugger claimed he wanted to pop a pill and relax which I never would've predicted could happen in the history of the universe. I'm sure Futon Football's Dylan Fadden screamed like a Belieber when he saw the lineup for this song.