Written by Evan Northrup, edited by Ralphy Compiano
Over a year and a half ago fans held on to their seats as the seventh season of Game of Thrones came to an end, giving us some of the most satisfying plot developments in TV history.
Jon Snow is the rightful King, he’s having hot sex with his aunt, and the Night King uses his new dragon thrall Viserion to bring down The Wall. These revelations left viewers with monstrously high expectations for the premiere of Season 8, and this last Sunday, Dave and Dan gave us their last shot at a Game of Thrones season opener.
Here’s a recap of the important events from Season 8 Episode 1, what these events mean, and where they could be leading us.
If there's one thing Throners are positive of, it's that GOT wasted no time in their opening episode. While to some people it may have felt rushed, Dave and Dan took their last opportunity at a season opening episode to create a plentiful base of plot threads and new relationships that will carry us through the whole season.
In King’s Landing, Euron arrives with the Golden Company (minus their elephants), and Cersei lets the swashbuckling punk rockstar into her bed as a reward. She drinks some wine on a not so empty stomach, Theon rescues Yara while Euron is doin the dirty, and Qyburn ruins Bronn’s nut by asking him to go North and murder his good ol’ pals Tyrion and Jamie.
To the dismay of Sansa and the Northern Lords, Jon arrives at Winterfell with his new Dragon Queen and all her armies (the dreadlocked one and the one without dicks). For the rest of the episode Sansa, Arya, Lyanna Mormont and Sir Royce star in Mean Girls 2, giving the cold shoulder to Daenerys despite the fact that her armies just blessed the North with it’s only chance of survival.
Sansa has morphed into a terrifying mix of Littlefinger and Catelyn, showing off her sharp wordplay against Tyrion and deep loyalty to her family in her treatment of Jon and Daenerys. Arya big dicks the Hound and flirts with Gendry as she asks him to give her a big pointy spear (wink), Jon and Daenerys ride dragons (then each other) and Sam gets the news about his flame grilled father and brother….from the woman who just flame grilled his father and brother.
In the last ten minutes of the episode, Sam tells Jon he’s the son of Lyanna Stark and Rhaegar Targaryen, which he takes relatively well, then Sam urges Jon to take the Throne instead of Daenerys because he would make a better monarch.